In the coming year of 2017,
I, El Desdichado, Lord & Master of ConnectHook
DEMAND recognition as The Most Boring Blogger.
You’ll never touch me so don’t even TRY.
Don’t even bother dipping your quill again,
you mere drip on the mildewed scroll of antediluvian parchment,
you cuneiform Cunégonde, you proto-Canaanite pottery fragment,
you keyboarding failed clown and archeological relic
unworthy of preservation in a third-rate underfunded Albanian museum…
I, and I alone, dragged myself up from the protoplasmic slime to BORE you.
I transitioned from amphibian to anthropoid before your mama even MET the postman.
I stood upright upon the bloody battleground of evolutionary struggle
and SELECTED MYSELF (naturally).
Now pass that banana right here.