I tell you all they do is text on their Walkman transistors
and spin platters on their jukeboxes.
Why in tarnation do they need those newfangled victrolas
with the dag-gone puppy dog a-sittin’ there
listnin’ to the telegraph?
Today’s youngsters are neither responsible nor ready for adulthood. Why, all they ever do is download that devilish syncopated ragtime boogie-woogie into their damn touch-tone telephones. You think the Good Lord meant for them to live like this? Doing the Twist all night long? Flapping their wicked pearls to the “Charleston” and smoking pipes with Brylcreem in their hair as they tap out racy messages in Morse Code to savage heathen peoples in the jungle-land? Why some of them have no shame at all, I say. They display their brazen midriffs and tempt the young men when they go a-courtin’ in the kitchen parlour. Yes sir – these young folks are in need of a good old-fashioned hiding.
With a thresher’s flail, yesirree-Bob…
My granny Jehoshaphat would have taken me to the woodshed for FAR LESS than that . Now you kids put that cat down and pull up your pants RIGHT NOW or I’ve half a mind to call the constable.